Any change in the near future gives me a fair amount of anxiety. This included my future job. As much as I may spout about my confidence or excitement to teach, I can say it also worries me like crazy. My biggest anxiety comes back to my fear of failure. I don’t want to completely bomb my first year because it isn’t just about getting a bad evaluation; it comes down to the fact that I would be failing my students as well. I just hope that I am successful enough in my first years that my kids will gain something from me. If they don’t that says something about me. Which would explain my other large worry about going into the education profession: what if I wasn’t meant to be a teacher after all? What if everything I have studied thus far was purposeless? That would leave me feeling incredibly lost.
I feel that I will struggle the most in becoming comfortable in front of a large group of people that are expecting me to educate them all. It is incredibly stressful to feel as though people are looking to you as an expert. Admittedly, I’m sure that I’ll be able to teach general English, as I have read To Kill A Mockingbird and Romeo and Juliet enough, but that isn’t really the most important piece of teaching. Yes, I need kids to show improvement and comprehension, but I want them to take more away from it than that. I feel that my struggle to become comfortable may negatively impact them. That scares the hell out of me.
I think the easiest way I can get over this is by talking to my aunt who is a teacher. She has several years of experience beneath her belt as well so I’m sure that she would be able to ease some of my apprehensions. Also, when I do my student teaching, I can lean on the teacher I am working with to gain some insight and advice to the profession. That will allow me to work through the biggest bumps of all my worries, as it will be my first true experience educating, and hopefully, I will be able to go into my true job more confident. I think the only other way to deal with these stress and worries is to put a great amount of faith in to myself. I know that I am capable of this job and all that it requires of me. If I wasn’t, I would have already dropped the major.
I know that I am capable, and even writing like this has helped me work through some of my largest anxieties. I won’t know until I step into that classroom on my first day how things will go, but I know that I am capable and competent. I will succeed, even if it’s a rocky start.